Stress Busters and Immune Boosters: Think Positive!

MJS counselors: Maria Hodge, PhD and Susan Reedy, MA, LMFT
This article is Part Five in a series written by our Mayfield Junior School Counselors to provide support for our community while we are adjusting to the temporary changes of how we live and do school in the time of COVID-19.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”
Philippians 4: 6 - 8
 
Today began my first day of live virtual office hours with my 6th grade Health students. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple of weeks and I was excited to hear how everyone was adapting to our changed lives. When we got online, it filled my heart with happiness to see their smiling faces, eager to talk about how they were doing. We played a game called Three Roses and a Thorn, where they each shared something that was difficult about our current situation (their thorn), and at least three things that were good (their roses).
 
The Thorns for many of them included not seeing their friends, fighting with their siblings (wishing they were an only child!), and getting in trouble. They also missed activities, like basketball and dance, as well as projects they had started at school, but hadn’t gotten to finish, like a sculpture for art class.
 
Their Roses though revealed adaptability and resilience, and included things such as learning new skills like sewing and cooking, having fun with their friends virtually through online gaming and Facetime, and playing more with their families and pets. A number of them even brought their animals to our meeting to greet the class!
 
We talked about how roses are like our lives. The thorns can hurt, especially if we hold onto them too tightly. We need to be careful with them and treat them gently. But the flower, wow! That’s where the true power of the rose lies. If we breathe the sweet fragrance in deeply, and focus our attention on the abundant beauty of the shades of colors on the petals, it has the potential to fill our hearts with wonder and gratitude at the beauty of God’s creation.
 
This is the power of focusing on what is good in our lives, of being continually amazed by all of the gifts God brings to us each day, and saying thank you for them. Even in the midst of anxious times, we have the ability to find the silver lining in every situation. And like the student in Mrs. Dorr’s 4th grade class said a few weeks ago before we went on our break and were discussing how everyone was feeling about it, “I also think some good things can happen.”
 
We know that when we think positive thoughts and look on the bright side on things, we feel happy. It’s also interesting to note what the research shows about positive thinking and happiness:

  • A happy disposition helps you recover more quickly from trauma and pain
  • A positive mood is the best predictor of creativity
  • Positive mindsets lead to more flexibility in thinking
  • Happy people have more stable and happy marriages
  • Happy people are healthier, have better immune systems and live longer
  • Happy people are more generous.
  • Happiness and exercise grow the hippocampus (the memory part of your brain).
  • Optimists are more tenacious and less likely to give up on tasks
  • Positive emotions increase your effectiveness as a leader
  • Optimism is a better predictor of heart attacks (not having one) than smoking, health, eating and physical activity
  • Optimism reduces your risk of cancer


Fortunately, even if you or your child’s natural inclination is towards worry or pessimism, the good news is that this can shift with some helpful practices. If your natural state is more towards optimism, these activities are also useful in building your resiliency. Focusing on the positive and on what brings you joy are great tools to deal with difficult situations, as well as bring more happiness to your life. Below are a few ideas to help get you started:
 
3 Good Things
  • Start a gratitude journal. Begin each day by writing down three things in your life that you are grateful for. You can each share what you wrote at breakfast or later that evening at dinner. Gratitude changes the brain! Gratitude practices are also a validated intervention for depression.
  • Create a gratitude practice with your family. Every night before we go to bed in the Hodge house, we gather in the living room and everyone takes a turn sharing at least three things they are grateful for that happened during the day. After everyone has shared their Gratitudes, we say our prayers and the Our Father to close our time and say goodnight. This leaves all of us feeling happy and peaceful as we head to bed.
Gratitude Letters
  • Make a list of all of the people in your life that you are thankful for and the reasons why.
  • iWrite letters to these people, thanking them for what they have meant to you or done for you.
  • Call them and read the letter over the phone and then send it to them.
  • Studies have shown that this practice is an effective tool in reducing symptoms of depression. This will also create a lot of happiness for the person you express gratitude to.
Create a personal resource journal:
  • Draw (and color) pictures of things in your life that bring you a sense of calm, contentment, and/or joy. (If you are more of a word person than a drawing person, you can also write down your resources.)
  • As you draw, think about all your senses. What is it about this place or this part of your life that brings you a sense of joy? Is it something you smell, something you see, something you hear, something you touch or something you taste?
  • iii. As you experience this memory and/or image in full detail, what are the sensations like inside of your body? Do you notice whether or not you are smiling? Does anything change with your muscles? Do you notice any places inside of your body that are more pleasant or neutral?
  • If you notice any sensations that are more pleasant in your body, pay attention to those sensations. An important phrase to remember is, “what you water grows,” so spend some time each day noticing all the sensations in your body that are more pleasant or neutral. (Like warmth in your chest, relaxation in your muscles, a smile in your cheeks.)
Photo Books
  • Go through your camera roll and pick your favorite pictures from 2019 and put them into a book. Mixbook, Printique, and Shutterfly all have easy software to create good books. (And you can wait until there’s a sale to get them printed!)
Start a blog/vlog with your kids
  • Have everyone contribute something that they did each day that helped them to feel stronger in their mind, body and/or spirit. (Work on writing with strong descriptive adjectives!) You can also have your kids write or make a video about something that has been hard to say goodbye to (sporting events, participating in their favorite team sports, going to a concert, being at play practice, watching March Madness, visiting with friends at school) and have them offer some recommendations to others in their age range of some things that they can do to help themselves feel better when they are feeling down.
  • Have them choose a photo and/or an encouraging quote to add to their blog post.
  • You can email this “blog/vlog” out to friends and family members both near and far away to encourage them during this social distancing time (and help them feel closer to you.)
  • Invite the people to whom you send your family blog/vlog to send one back with their own ideas and encouragements.
Look at pictures of puppies
  • Or if you are a cat person, kittens. Or if you are like Mrs. Reedy, find videos of sea otters and river otters doing otter things. This helps us find laughter and joy and appreciation of God’s creation every day.


Resources

Here are some resources for mindfulness and positive thinking in your family life:
 
 
Video:

Apps:
iChillapp.com iChill shares a set of wellness skills called the Community Resiliency Model. Practicing resiliency helps to expand our sense of wellbeing because “what we pay attention to grows.” When you practice the 6 wellness skills regularly, you can begin to feel better in mind, body and spirit, and more quickly return to your Resilient Zone when life bumps you into the High or Low Zone. (If you have any questions about the Resilient Zone or the wellness skills, ask your 3rd or 5th graders who have been trained in the model!)
 
Course:
Cultivating Family Resiliency during COVID-19: Stress Busters and Immune Boosters to Help You Stay in Your Zone! An Online Parent Education Course
With MJS Counselors Susan Reedy, LMFT and Maria Hodge, PhD
 
A three-week distance learning course for MJS parents as we practice skills to help us stay in our Resilient Zone in order to help our families navigate life successfully during these unprecedented times. A recording of the first class is linked below and all will be posted on the Parent Education Resource Board on our website.
 
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Mayfield Junior School

Located in Pasadena, California, Mayfield Junior School of the Holy Child Jesus is a K-8 Catholic coeducational private school. Our kindergarten, elementary school, and middle school experience best prepares students for high school education and beyond.