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Stress Busters and Immune Boosters: Create a New Normal

MJS counselors: Maria Hodge, PhD and Susan Reedy, MA, LMFT
This article is Part Three in a series written by our Mayfield Junior School Counselors to provide support for our community while we are adjusting to the temporary changes of how we live and do school in the time of Covid-19.
 
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)
 
When the prophet Jeremiah wrote those words, he was talking to the people of Israel who were exiled in Babylon. They were far from home in captivity, and they were scared. They worried about what the future held for them. God’s reassurance to them was that they did not have to be afraid, because He had a plan for them, and it involved good things!
 
Right now most of us are exiled to our homes, except for necessary trips to the grocery store, and like the Israelites, we are feeling the weight of an uncertain future. Suddenly the structure of our normal daily lives has been completely upended and all our many plans and activities have been put on hold while we wait to see what will happen next. The loss of our regular daily structure can create significant anxiety and stress for families.
 
So for the next several weeks, it is time for us to create a new normal, a new way of doing life for our families. The Urban Dictionary defines “new normal” this way: “The current state of being after some dramatic change has transpired. What replaces the expected, usual, typical state after an event occurs. The new normal encourages one to deal with current situations instead of lamenting what could have been.”
 
Children crave structure. If you walk into any MJS Lower School classroom, you can look at the whiteboard and see the plan for the day. Middle School students usually have their schedules posted in their cubbies or binders. This is one of the things that helps the school day run so efficiently. Schedules help everyone get on the same page about what is going to happen. And when people know what the plan is, they are able to relax. Structure and routines reduce anxiety.
 
I have to confess, this past week of homeschooling at the Hodge House looked a lot more like Spring Break than Distance Learning. My children are in 6th, 10th and 12th grade, and while I went to work, they slept in, made themselves brunch, got their chores done, did a little school work, and mostly relaxed. I’m just going to go easy on all of us and call this our “Transitional Period!”
 
Every family will be different in how they adjust to a new normal. It’s important to move at your own pace and honor what works best for your family. Remember that we are all doing something new for the first time and people are experiencing a wide variety of emotions about it. Talk with your children about how they are feeling, and affirm that whatever they feel right now is okay. What children (and adults) need most from us right now in this period of uncertainty and change is our patience, kindness and compassion. Creating a new normal with daily routines for your family will provide structure and predictability, which will increase a sense of comfort and safety and decrease stress for everyone.
 
Work together with your family on creating a schedule for the week. Older kids especially will want to give their input and feel some semblance of control and ownership over their day. Teachers at Mayfield call it “Voice and Choice”. We want children to feel that they have a voice and that we listen to them. And wherever possible, we give them a choice in things. This is very empowering for children and helps them be active learners and responsible for their education as well as their lives.
 
Here are some ideas that may help as you create a schedule:
 
Consider allowing your older children to sleep in a little.
  • Studies show that children have increased focus and attention, as well as an improvement in mood when they get the amount of sleep they need. And because older children tend to stay up later, allowing them to get the recommended 8 - 10 hours of sleep can have huge benefits. Just make sure they still go to bed at the time you choose.
Build variety and movement into the schedule.
  • Your child’s attention span will vary by age and activity, so schedule their time accordingly. Give them plenty of brain breaks (time to get up and move their bodies).
  • Children’s focus and attention increase after a period of physical activity, so plan more challenging academics subjects immediately after a brain break.
Go outside several times a day.
  • There are numerous benefits to being outside. Studies show that being outdoors decreases stress, boosts your immune system, sharpens your focus, boosts your creativity, and calms your body and mind. So have children play outside everyday!
Set up a work space in your home dedicated for each child
  • Set up a study space where they keep all of their materials, as well as a chair and desk / table to work at.
  • If your child will be doing any video chatting or posting videos for school, create a background with them to film against that has minimal distractions and is appropriate for a school setting.
Distance Learning Dress Code
  • While it’s tempting to stay in our pajamas and let our kids do the same, research shows that there are benefits to getting dressed for the day ahead of us. What we wear influences how we feel about ourselves, as well as how others perceive us, and if we want to be focused and productive, and help our children do the same, dressing the part helps us get into that frame of mind. So the daily schedule can include “Get dressed for school.”
  • It’s also important to remember while video chatting or posting videos for distance learning, that we want children to project an “at school” image. Please have students use the MJS Free Dress Code standards when they choose an outfit for the day.
  • Part of teaching digital citizenship is helping children understand that everything they post online sends a message to the world about who they are. This especially becomes important as children get older and begin using social media, and it’s a lesson they need to learn long before they create a TikTok, Insta or SnapChat account. Their online identity should project their family’s values and a respect for themselves and others. This is a great ongoing discussion to have with your kids as they grow up.
 
Here is a sample Middle School Schedule that was sent to MJS parents this past week:


  • Remember that this is a sample and each family can modify it to work best for their child.
  • It is very important to not be too attached to things being a specific way all of the time. We need to be able to adapt and adjust to changes. Everyone is on a strong learning curve in this process and flexibility is essential.
  • Keep in mind that your child may have scheduled times to check in with their teachers and advisory. Those should be written into their daily schedule.
  • You may also consider having them set a reminder in their online calendar (iPad) or phone for scheduled online meeting times.
  • If you have more than one child, you may have more than one schedule based on their grade level, classes and individual needs. Create schedules that work for your family and children.
 
Here are is a sample schedule that can be used with children of all ages that may be useful as you construct your own:
 
 
  • Remember to be flexible, get the input of your family members, and do what works for your family.
Here are some great ideas your children may also enjoy on their schedule:
 
Start your day at MJS Morning Prayer with Mr. Sciuto in the chapel
It’s live streamed everyday at 8:00 am (but it’s ok to watch later!)
 
Mo Willems - Lunch Doodles every Wednesday on YouTube for 20 Minutes
Online Free Art Classes for Kids of All Ages
Virtual Tours
Use this time to teach life skills.
  • For young children, this may include things like learning to tie their shoes or ride a bike.
  • For older children, this might be something like money management, learning to cook, and do laundry.
  • For all children, keeping their rooms cleaned, cleaning up after themselves, and helping the family by doing chores around the house are all important skills to learn.
 
Remember that you may go through several variations of a schedule as you discover what works best for your children and family. Also be aware that there may be times you need to set the schedule aside if emotions are running high and everyone needs to take a break. It’s okay to have a “field trip” and do what is responsive to your family’s needs. Remember that schedules are there to provide structure and routine and make life easier for everyone. If it’s not working, change it.
 
Children need our calm reassurance that there is a plan, that there is a future and a hope. Kids need to know that things will be okay, and that we are confident in our God who has a plan for us. We might not know what exactly the immediate future holds, but it’s all going to work out. We won’t be in exile for 70 years like the Israelites in Jeremiah’s time were, so there’s that for perspective.
 
 
Additionally here are some resources we recommend for talking with your children about the coronavirus:
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Mayfield Junior School

405 South Euclid Avenue, Pasadena, California 91101   626.796.2774
Located in Pasadena, California, Mayfield Junior School of the Holy Child Jesus is a K-8 Catholic coeducational private school. Our kindergarten, elementary school, and middle school experience best prepares students for high school education and beyond.